This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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