My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
