I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
