Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
