you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
