so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he thought i was a dude.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
