college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
