did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
