So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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