ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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