I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
