Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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