you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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