i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He felt like a one man threesome
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize