I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
