i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
