My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
