Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
