and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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