I'm drive I can fine osifer
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
