did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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