So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
