I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
