even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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