I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
