Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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