Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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