watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
