All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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