I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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