Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
