Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize