this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My breasts were aching with rage.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
