Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
