I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
