Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
