I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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