I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
