here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
