I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
