Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
