Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
