Redeem this text for a blowjob
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
