The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
