so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
