Pappa wants mamma naked
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
