I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
