No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize