My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
