Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize