Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this will be a night to untag.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
