He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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