That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
