this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
