im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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