Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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