i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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