We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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