I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize