Already got asked if we're dating
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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