Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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