I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
