Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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