Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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