the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
