So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
