worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
